My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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