You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize