Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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