my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
