eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Come on in and take your pants off
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