I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize