I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
