The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
