Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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