New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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