Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
