halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
