And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
