Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
