it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
