My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize