you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
