What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
