Non-Jews are for practice
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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