your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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