I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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