last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
