dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
