Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
