I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
