I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
