Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
