his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize