hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
