We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
