You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
