I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
