Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
