I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize