Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
