Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Couch. On fire.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
