in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
