He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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