I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
