Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have tasted many bathrooms
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize