I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
