I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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