I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
