Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
