Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
