Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i already hear my dad disowning me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize