So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize