he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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