So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Someone came in the potted fern
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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