I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
