1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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