I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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