Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
