So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sext me about skeletons
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
