I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
