Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
