I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
