Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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