Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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