Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize