Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
