two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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