i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am naked and annoyed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
