Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
