I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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